Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
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He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
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we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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