Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
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accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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