So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
