You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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