that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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