im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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