I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
