i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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