he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
