I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
