Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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