Plan B is the new Plan A
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
