On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He felt like a one man threesome
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
