I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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