Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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