guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
