I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
