I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm too high and old for this...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
