I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
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yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
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If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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