never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
