Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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