it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I AM VODKA MAN
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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