and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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