that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just google imaged poop.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
