Barsexuality is the new black.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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