You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Will you blow on my dice?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?