im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.