Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.