Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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