But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
