3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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