you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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