I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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