This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
