dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
