who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
