I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
