I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You are the jesus of drinking
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
