can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
