Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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