Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
