WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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