I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
