Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
