dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
