My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
