I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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