I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
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...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
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NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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