She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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