had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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