eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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