so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Is it penis luge time yet?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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