Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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