You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
