Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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