as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
