Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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