Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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