there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize