I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
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No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
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There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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