After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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