If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
