no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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