Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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