Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
