u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
and i looked up. we had an audience...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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