Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
