I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
