no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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