I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
