you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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